Reader Discretion is Advised!

To think of something that is disgusting the first thing that comes to mind is a porta potty. Would you agree? Do you DREAD visiting one? Have you ever heard the story of a person getting locked in and then it being tipped over? It is not only the smell that can knock one out, but for me it is what lies at the bottom. When I lift up the lid and look down, YUCK! Human waste!

Come on, we all have it! You and the people you live with 'pitch a loaf', 'drop a cannon', and 'take a duke'. Sometimes it smells so bad that even air fresheners can't mask the odor that exudes from under the door. When using a pubic restroom you flush the toilet so the person next to you, can't hear you 'let it rip'. When visiting someones home, you hope that no one will be waiting to use the bathroom after you just dumped a load!

I insist that when we stay in a hotel, that morning function be performed in the bathroom located in the lobby. I consider it a fire hazard. In a small hotel room, I could light a match and set the place on fire!

May be by now you are thinking I have completely lost it. This is disgusting and how inappropriate! Hopefully, I have made you uncomfortable as you visioned what lies in the depths of a porta potty and you remembered the odor that exudes from the bathroom. I hate to say it, but it is only going to get worse. You may want to consider the option of clicking the X in the upper right hand corner of your screen because this is going to STINK!

If you struggle seeing authenticity. If it is scary for you to witness vulnerability. If you can't handle the truth, then reader discretion is ADVISED! Please DO NOT read any further.

'By this time there was a bad odor for he had been there four days.' John 11:39

Yep, by the time Jesus showed up Lazarus had been dead for 4 days. When Jesus called out and asked the stone to be moved, Martha objected because the odor would be an unbearable. When Lazarus appeared on-lookers turned away, others shielded themselves from the odor, and I am guessing that even some ran away. But NOT Jesus, He hangs out in places that stink!

We try to cover up our stench. We speak in vague generalities about our addictions and hang-ups. We think, I don't do drugs, have a drinking problem, or gamble. Society has classified those addictions as ones that need help! When in reality they are NO different than the addictions we suffer from daily. We like to stay contained in our porta potties, hoping that no one will ask to use it.

Have you ever been waiting in line to use one? As each person comes out, what do you hear? Do the doors ease shut? Instead you here Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang.....and the people exiting immediately leave the scene. They don't want to be accused of what they 'just left'. They don't want to 'claim' what is rightfully theirs.

I have been accused of thinking that MY POOP doesn't STINK! When in fact it stinks a lot!

I want a closer more authentic relationship with Jesus AND with those around me. I have a deep longing need to be transformed, to break old habits, and create healthy ones. But before I can do this, I have to get rid of the things that smell. When I ignore the stench, I only suppress it so it can come back again leaving me to grow sicker and sicker! Transformation is a process that will only be complete when I am living in my eternal home. For now, in order to grow I have to be willingly to admit my short comings and share my stench from the past and the present. I also need to knock on some doors and ask to come in, no matter HOW bad the smell.

So I need to air my stench! I want to continue transformation and give permission to others to do the same. The Bible says that we are given trials to learn from, so that we can be a witness to others struggling with the same addictions. When I open the door to my porta potty, I know that some will run, others will listen with their nose covered, and some may even take a step forward. I also know that Jesus already knows my stench. He is waiting for me to open my door and say come in. He is wanting me to share, openly and honestly with others. He will not flee. He will not cover His nose. He will lift His head high and take in my stench. WHY? Because Jesus LOVES smelly people!

When I open the door of my porta potty and it would smell like this.

Hi. I am Jill Japenga and I really stink. I am a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and business woman who has over come trials with the help of my Savior, yet I still struggle daily with hang ups and addictions. Past stenches in my life include battling depression to the brink of suicidal thoughts. Being emotionally attracted to man other than my husband. I yell and scream at my children and spouse spouting out hurtful words. I have mismanaged my finances and incurred debt over $50,000 not once, but three times. I buy things to get a quick fix. I abuse food in excess and in scarcity to fill deep voids. I over eat in secret. I try to control things. I cover up my short falls, by 'looking good' on the outside. I have lied to cover up my addictions. I am greedy, selfish, and passive aggressive. I question my capabilities as a parent. I have a hard time feeling loved.

It stinks, doesn't it?

However ONE THING I know for SURE is that no matter who runs or who stays, Jesus is here, every day and in every way. I know that I am an ordinary woman with everyday hang ups and addictions. I know that every day I desire to grow and walk in my faith for I know that it is the ONLY way to overcome my addictions. I know that I am learning to receive and to give love, to forgive and to extend grace. I know that EVERY day my addictions have been forgive and my slate made clean, yet I am still excepted to rely on Him to become healthier each day. I know am learning to invite others into my porta potty and to knock on the doors of those around me. I know I will be rejected and let down. I also know that some will let me in and those invitations will make the rejections seem minuscule.

Chris Tomlin said it best, 'There are ONLY two things to do in this life. The first is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, and your mind. The second is to love your neighbor as your self. When you focus on those TWO things there is no end to how you will transform yourself and be a light that shines for others to see.'

Welcome to my Porta Potty.