It is 4:00 AM and I am driving down Interstate 90 in route to Iowa. My ipod is keeping me awake to the tune of all my favorites. The hot, highly caffeinated coffee is my life line to alertness while my family is fast asleep. Just 4 short hours ago I turned 40 as the clock struck midnight. It seems that every speed limit sign with a minimum speed of 40 mph flashes 40-40-40 as I whiz by in the wee hours of the morning. Happy Birthday to me.
In order to do this entry justice, however I must back up to 4:00 AM 24 hours earlier. I am awaken to the sound of 'The Mo' (Milo's mom) as she happily comes into our room singing, 'rise and shine'. She is off to work and we are off on what we planned to be a 2 day venture from Idaho back to Iowa for the conclusion of our family's summer vacation.
I should have know from the start, the day was going to be plagued with disaster as a 1/2 hour pack up and load turned into a 90 minute ordeal of continually stepping in dog poop, washing flip flops, and deodorizing the van in the dark of the early morning hour.
By 5:30 AM and dog poop free, we waved our good byes and set off for our destination, Murdo, SD. The girls warned me not to go to sleep. They were certain their father would get lost in route to the interstate. Guaranteed, 90 minutes later and an extra 45 minutes on a windy mountain road, Milo
(aka Macho Man) did indeed miss his turn short of 100 yards, leaving us laden with car sickness and an extra 45 minutes in the van
Water, upright positions, peppermint gum, and a straight road restored our nauseated stomachs and we settled in for the long haul ahead.
One stomach however did not get settled and 2 hours into our day, Riley (the dog) is inflicted with a BAD case of car sickness followed up with a pile of puke in the back corner of the van. Eewws and gross were the screams that came from the back and we quickly pull over to clean up what was to be the first of three 'puke stops'. The first was not too bad. The second takes out Madison's pillow and a few other blankets, but the THIRD? Was the worst!
Now 6 hours into the trip, Riley comes up for a 'front seat' visit. Within seconds, she projectile vomits all over Milo, the seat, down the seat belt, including the buckle and places where no hand can go! The LAST of it ends up in our soft sided cooler. If I didn't think the current odor mixture of puke and lavender scented Fe breeze wasn't bad enough, this final episode just pushed it over the top!
Now sitting on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, Montana I quickly discover new ways to use the remaining 50 count 4 gallon trash bags, 6 hand wipes, and 10 Windex pads left to clean up this 'puke stop'. The cooler is beyond redeemable only the pop cans and Gatorade we manage to pull from the depths of the puke, bagging them up to be disinfected at a later date.
The van floor becomes littered with bag upon bag of packaged puke covered items.
An emergency 411 call to our veterinarian is made with prescription of 75 mg of Benadryl every 3 hours. I question should that be for ME or for Riley. I seriously wonder how will I survive the remaining 15 hours.
The smell, a mixture of stomach juices and lavendar FeBreeze. You actually could get use to it after being in such confined quarters hour after hour. The problem came when you had to exit and reenter, prompting the entire readjustment period to begin again.
The girls were put on
STRICT puke patrol and we were determined to teach Riley the importance of the
'trash can'. I did manage to
'trick' her into 25 mg of Benadryl via chicken nugget. Other attempts were simply refused with a turn of the head. If anything were to happen to Riley,
I of course would be the one accused of over-dosing her as I clamped down on her mouth refusing to let go, until she swallowed the contents. I was the mad woman, with greasy hair, screaming,
'swallow dog, swallow!'At 2:00 PM I did a mathematical count up and I realize that the 10:00 PM arrival time to the Super 8 in Murdo, SD was now going to be closer to 12:30 AM without any more puke or potty stops. I question the sanity of spending $85 for a mere 5 hours of sleep, packing and unpacking, but most importantly shutting up the odor filled van for any extended period of time and then having to reeenter.
I suggest to 'the driver', 'May be we should just drive it straight through and start taking turns with the driving.' My suggestion is taken under consideration but the thought of ME driving is adamantly denied.
A few hours later we take a poll and it is decide that in the best interest of all the parties involved it would be best to just 'beat it down the road'. The hotel reservation is canceled AND once again my request to drive is denied. So with every failed attempt my response is to break out in song, 'Macho, Macho..man...I've got to be a Macho Man.' It is either that or he simply wanted to wear the badge of honor that read, 'I drove for 26 hours straight'.
At 11:00 PM and near Wall, SD delirium sets in. Kennedy is singing a made up song about wanting to take drugs. Madison is crying because Riley tried eating her foot as a midnight snack. And the invasion of 'space' becomes a HOT topic. I have since resigned to Macho Man and simply pray that he will soon remove his ego in exchange for a few hours of rest. In the mean time I catch a few zzzs.
At 1:30 AM I am awaken with a tap on the shoulder and a man filled with defeat. 'I just can't do it any more I need to lay down, just for a few minutes. Are you sure you can drive?' Of course I think, 'HELLO...you have been driving for 18 hours?' I snap awake after only a few short and frequently interrupted hours of sleep, ask to pull over in order to find my 'tunes', and a large cup of coffee. Kennedy pipes up from the back, 'Nite, nite...Macho Man.'
For the next 7 hours I mouth the words to my all my favorite tunes, rock out like Bon Jovi, down 40 oz of coffee, chew my peppermint gum, and realize I just turned 40! Happy Birthday to me!
It was later discovered that the cause of Riley's sickness was her late night indulgence in the remaining 1/2 sheet of birthday cake, vanilla with butter cream icing and cream filling. I guess it was her way of saying 'Happy Birthday'.
I pull into the driveway look back and check to see that Madison still has all of her appendages. Macho Man and druggie girl are curled up and still fast asleep. I move my filmy, greasy body out of the
puke van and upstairs to my hot shower.
I curl up in my silky PJs, down comforter, and sleep until 2:00. I wonder down stairs to find a desk full of mail, orders to be filled, bags to be unpacked. The girls are off to catch up with friends. Macho Man did get the van cleaned out, however is off on a motorcycle ride. Happy Birthday to me!
40 days ago my sister gave me one of the most meaningful birthday gifts to date, 40 sealed envelopes, one to be open each day leading up to August 15th. The envelopes contained reasons my she admired, loved, and respected me. I couldn't wait each morning to open my envelope and enjoy my first cup of coffee.
Growing up Julie, always had a very sensitive stomach. We shared a room and a bed until I graduated from high school and many nights I would awake to the sounds, feel, and smell of her upset stomach. This morning before I cozied under the covers, I opened the last of my 40 envelopes.
It read....'The #1 reason why I love, respect, and admire you...because I don't know anyone who I could puke on over and over and they would still love me.' I died laughing and thought how appropriate.
From Macho Man and the girls, there were no parties or presents (except for the 8 week old Shitz Tu puppy they are trying to convince me should be my be-lated birthday gift next week). Birthdays are just not a big thing for Macho Man, so after 20 some years I have simply come to anticipate such. After an early morning birthday wish, the day continued as normal with mom/wife reentering reality. Groceries needing to be restocked, the house cleaned, bills paid, laundry, and school schedules logged for the start of school on Wednesday. Other than a disruption of sleep, the day rolls on like all others. But some how I think THIS milestone birthday will go down as probably one of the most memorable to date!
Happy Birthday to ME!
Jill
By 5:30 AM and dog poop free, we waved our good byes and set off for our destination, Murdo, SD. The girls warned me not to go to sleep. They were certain their father would get lost in route to the interstate. Guaranteed, 90 minutes later and an extra 45 minutes on a windy mountain road, Milo (aka Macho Man) did indeed miss his turn short of 100 yards, leaving us laden with car sickness and an extra 45 minutes in the van
The girls were put on STRICT puke patrol and we were determined to teach Riley the importance of the 'trash can'. I did manage to 'trick' her into 25 mg of Benadryl via chicken nugget. Other attempts were simply refused with a turn of the head. If anything were to happen to Riley, I of course would be the one accused of over-dosing her as I clamped down on her mouth refusing to let go, until she swallowed the contents. I was the mad woman, with greasy hair, screaming, 'swallow dog, swallow!'
I pull into the driveway look back and check to see that Madison still has all of her appendages. Macho Man and druggie girl are curled up and still fast asleep. I move my filmy, greasy body out of the puke van and upstairs to my hot shower. 