Don't give me no trouble.

I'm in my pink bubble.

I came to the realization the other day that I deeply missed my pink bubble. My pink bubble represents a positive attitude, a life lived on faith, not fear, and a passion to make a difference EVERY day in some one's life. None of the above I was exhibiting, nor had I been for quite some time.

Back in the day part of my pink bubble experience required me to to don a suit and nylons daily. 'Dress for success' was the motto. And so I did. Eventually the nylons took a back seat to dress pants and somewhere along the road so did my attitude and passion for life.

Stifled by the everyday grind of 8 - 5 and being influenced by negative people, before I knew what had happened I was beginning to live a life of scarcity thinking and negativity.

Then something happened. On a whim last week, I decided to drag out one of those old business suits and a pair of nylons. I dressed for success and as the day progressed something happened. Something clicked that made me realize how much I had been living in fear and not faith. Somewhere between skirts and pants, negativity had gotten the best of me. How passive I had become to just going through the motions and not really living my life.

Then ironicly or not with the light bulb moment came the start of a new book, Fearless by Max Lucado. In preparation for a sermon series that is starting next week, I started reading this weekend. Max goes onto to say, 'Fear unleashes a swarm of doubts, anger stirring doubts. And it turns us into control freaks. Fear at it's center, is a perceived loss of control. When life spins wildly, we grab for a component of life we can manage: our diet, the tidiness of a house, or in many cases, people. The more insecure we feel, the meaner we become. We growl and bare our fangs. Why? Because we are bad? In part. But also because we feel cornered.

Have I not become an out of control, control freak, lashing out at those I love the most? All because fear and negativity had gripped my very being.

And so I have decided that I will no longer be gripped by fear, but rather live by faith. Not to let the nay Sayers and negative Nellie's of life drive my attitude or passions. That life has not dealt me a hand of cards that will prevent me from living out my purpose and passion.

Could there really be some power in a pair of nylons? Or may be it just took a flash from the past for me to realize that there is power in a positive attitude and excitement in living a life of faith.

So don't give me no trouble, I am in my PINK bubble!

until tomorrow.

P.S. I rehired my housecleaner!

One Stitch At A Time

It has been an emotionally charged last few weeks. I have so much to share, but so little time or energy to do so. The days and weeks have consisted of house hunting, Realtor meetings, tears, serious conversations, frustration, all coupled with a magnitude of mental and emotional strain.

A few Sundays back trying to get ready for church proved to be a disaster. The tears would not stop flowing, making for a make-up disaster. Instead of church in a building I needed a place where nature and God met as one. I came down stairs and announced I was LEAVING! Shock and awe was apparent in those that witness my desperation, followed with the reaction 'are you coming back?' I fled to the peaceful surroundings of Palisades Park. The flowing water, hiking trails, and comfort of nature was what I needed to settle my struggling heart. Moving, downsizing, changing schools, new locations was just to much for my mind and heart to process. I needed time to think and pray. I laid staring at the beautiful blue sky. With desperation I proclaimed, 'I turn it all over to You. Give my heart and head the peace knowing that EVERYTHING will work out.'

Having already implemented many things to adjust to Milo losing his job, the last few weeks have brought even more of the realization of the finality of things to come. The HUGE step of faith moving to 100% commission status in our household. My analytical ways and years of managing the finances kicks in flipping on the panic mode switch and I wonder how will things all work out. Unfortunately many of the decisions we have made over the years not only have stemmed of my growing business, but also Milo's 'corporate income'.

Some days I yearn for the simplicity of a 500 square foot cabin in the woods where I have a garden, trails to walk, flowers to tend. The only major decision of the day being what to make my family for supper. There is no streams of media subconsciously training my thoughts to desire this and that. My BIG trip of the week is to the local food store to gather only what I need for the next week. I enjoy the quiet of nature while Riley is allowed to roam however far and wide she desires. We gather every night around the table to play games and share our adventures of the day. Do you think Carolyn Ingalls really had it that good?

Then reality sets in with dance recitals, friends, track meets, graduations, confirmations, weddings, college, mortgage payments, utilities, car repairs, and the list continues. O! did I mention dishwasher repairs! One night while enjoying a rainy evening on the couch, the water coming down seemed to get louder and louder, minute by minute! I discovered my dishwasher flooding my kitchen, pouring through the floor boards, into the basement ceiling, and onto the pool table. After every towel in the house was soaked and the appropriate water valve was located to turn off the water flow, I googled searched to diagnosis the problem as a defect 'water inlet valve'. 4 days later, the repairman was quite impressed with my savvy diagnosis. $107 later the saying, 'when it rains, it pours' is most definitely true.

So last weekend to 'escape' the world and celebrate our 19 year anniversary, my husband stole me away to my heaven on earth for a few days just him and I! I didn't realize just how bad we needed to get reacquainted. The every day 'stress' of life was pulling us farther and farther away as day in and day out we independently went about our way, each drowning from the emotional drain eating away inside.

And it WAS heaven on earth! 2 nights and 3 days of nothing but nature, long walks, warm fires, and waking to the birds chirping outside our window was exactly what we needed to reconnect and recommit to tackling the battle of life TOGETHER, a strand of 3 cords NOT easily broken, reaffirmed in cabin #3.

So the last few weeks have been a time to regroup and rethink. My summer project that has been filling my free time (instead of blogging) is a 12X16 complicated cross-stitch project of my friend, Jesus and His sheep. I have not cross stitched since BK (before kids). I forgot how peaceful and relaxing it can be. With each stitch I am comforted as I work on His hands, His robe, His face, and His feet. A calmness over takes me and the realization that life is simply one stitch at a time. God's plan is always PERFECT. No matter how much water runs through the cracks in the floor, a quick google search, a quick prayer, and a stitch at a time will bring the peace that passes all understanding. This thing we call LIFE is messy, complicated, and draining. But life is ONLY a journey to a place far better. A place with no paychecks, dishwashers, negativity and uncertainty.

A place with flowing water, flowering trees, warm fires, and singing birds. A place where the shepherd says, 'You were lost, but now you are found.'

So in the mean time I will continue to stitch and pray, stitch and pray. And when my project is complete, I will adorn it in a special place in my home as a reminder of a time in life when the ONLY thing left to do, was to take life one stitch at a time.

Jill

Can You Start A Diet In the Middle of a Bag of Potato Chips?

A good friend and mentor once shared with me that you can start a diet in the middle of a bag of potato chips. I had to laugh thinking, 'Well may be after I finished what I started, I could? After all, I don't want to look like a failure.'

Do you ever feel like your life is out of control?

When things slow down, then I will? When my kids get in school then I will? When my kids get done with school then I will? When I get through the holidays then I will? Once this 'crazy' summer is over then I will?

When I finish this bag of potato chips then I will start my diet.

I have to laugh because I am infamous for thinking to myself, 'Once I finish eating all of the junk food in the house, then I will only eat 'good' food. The problem lies in that junk food somehow always finds it's way back into our house and I am the person who does the grocery shopping.

Well are you ready to stop saying 'WHEN' but NOW?

Over the next 10 weeks, I will be sharing insights into living a life under control. Finding balance and eliminating the WHENS in your life.

David was referred to a 'man after God's own heart' in Acts 13:22 and served God faithfully even during very difficult circumstances. In a matter of a few weeks his life spun out of control. In this short period of time, he committed adultery with Bathsheba and then arranged the murder of her husband to cover up his sin. However, because of God's grace God didn't reject David and He doesn't reject you in light of your most recent mess up. God offers hope for getting our lives under control: a life under control mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, a life lived in harmony.

Romans 8: 5-8 shares that those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them. Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.

Are you so absorbed with your calendar, your busy life, your comitments, your agenda that you are not stopping to really ask yourself 'what is God's plan for me?' How should my calendar look according to God?

I pray that you check in frequently over the next 10 weeks to read and also to share your insights into living a more balanced life. A life that starts and ends with an intimate relationship with the Lord. Remember, He understands our struggles and weaknesses, our fears and hang ups. We CAN begin a NEW chapter every day and even in the middle of a bag of potato chips!

Blessings,

Jill

A Rollercoaster on Ice

This year's winter has been a record breaker! Week after week we have been hit with snow, ice, and below zero temperatures. Weather is something that doesn't bother me too much, however I must say 'It's getting a little old living in the tundra'.

At dinner the other night, our family was visualizing the smell of spring, freshly mowed grass, a warm 70 degree day, flowers in bloom, and bare feet on the payment. We all oohed and awed over how wonderful the thought of spring and how much more we will appreciate it this year after the winter we have experienced.

After our most recent mixture of snow and ice, a week later the streets are still partially covered with deep pot holes, ridges, and patches of ice and snow making for adventures travels. At the end of our street a large ice and snow mix had developed and froze making for a challenging trek through it's whindy, slippy curve. I had to laugh yesterday as the car slid into one track and then fishtailed to slip into the next icy track as I rounded the corner to our home. I felt like I was on a ride at an amusement park when your car switches from track to track and you gimme back and forth in your seat. By the end of the day, I was actually looking forward to my amusement park ride as I navigated my way home with a smile on my face.

It brought to mind the thought of living on the edge and living in the moment. How much more fulfilling my life would be if I simply lived with what I was provided for each day, never knowing where or how tomorrows provisions would arrive.

I think of what a 'hording' society we are with our freezers full of food, our storerooms stuff full of 'what I will use someday', our closets brimming with clothes 'I will fit into again', and the ever present 'kitchen junk drawer'.

It makes me wonder with all my 'stuff' I am trying to manage am I really valuing the 'important' things in life?

The thought takes me back to when Milo and I were first married and living in married student housing while attending college. We had a 'tiny' one bedroom apartment with a corridor kitchen, we ate in the living room, and the bathroom was large enough to accommodate one person at a time. Our grocery bill was about $80/month and consisted primarily of ham sandwiches and pancakes. The 'major' decision at the time was if we could afford a car payment of $80/month for a used Ford escort and the highlight of the week was having enough empty pop cans to redeem for a refund in order to take in a $2 show at the movie theater.

17 years later we manage a household budget thousands times more and we have enough bathrooms to accommodate each member of our family. We have a kitchen, dining room, a living room, a sitting room (we we never sit in), and a rec room. A bag full of cans redeemed at the can shed ($12.00) only pays for 1/2 the cost of the movie and the good news, we don't have any car payments!

So am I more happy now with more money to manage and more space to accumulate stuff?

When God called Abraham he said, 'Leave your country, your people, and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.' So Abraham at 75 years old performed a life changing act and he gathered up is nephew, his wife, all his possessions he had accumulated, and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan.' Genesis 12

WOW! Abraham put his life totally in God's hands. God's call to him was a call to separation. A call to lose his life and love God more. A call to put off the old self and put on the new self. God said get out of your comfort zone, leave back much of what is familiar to you, and set out on a NEW journey. God promised Abraham that He would make him into a great nation and that he would be blessed and all those that followed him would be blessed as well.

So I ask you today, are you just comfortable managing all of your stuff? What has God called you to do today that you have not yet responded in obedience too? Are you willing to ride the roller coaster of life with all of it's ups and downs, it's shifting track to track, and it's unpredictability in order that God can work and do amazing things in your life?

Take a chance on God, you won't be sorry that you did.

Jill

The Dream Team

In Luke 5, Jesus is standing by the lake of Ganezerath. People were crowding around Him and listening to the Word of God. He saw at the edge two boats, left there by the fisherman who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon Peter and asked him to pull out a little from shore. He sat down and taught the people from the boat.

When Jesus had finished teaching, He said to Peter, “Let's go fishing.”

I think it is pretty cool that Jesus preached and went fishing in the same clothes. Jesus hung out with the ordinary people of life. If Peter had been a truck driver, he would have said let's go for a drive. If he had been a CEO, Jesus would have said let's go grab a cup of coffee. But he was a fisherman and Jesus said, let's go fish.

Peter replied, "You want to do what? Listen. We just got done fishing. We fished all night. We are tired, frustrated, and right now is not a great time to fish. Now you are a carpenter and I respect that. You are a Rabbi and I respect that. But the truth is you know preaching and I know fishing."

Ever felt like Jesus knows all the spiritual stuff, but when it comes to everyday life stuff, we got it covered?

Also Jesus wasn’t talking about a little fishing outing with a cooler of Pepsi and a bobber. These guys were commercial fisherman and they were worn out and frustrated. Their boats were heavy, their nets were heavy, and they had just finished picking out all the weeds and rocks that they had scooped up from the bottom of the lake.

They had just finished cleaning their nets and Jesus said lets go fishing and dirty them up again.

In verse 5, Simon answered. "Master, We have worked hard all night and have not caught anything."

But this is a key phrase here, BUT BECAUSE YOU SAY SO, I will let down the nets. Peter is a pro. He knows the lake. He knows fishing. He knows the odds of catching any fish at this time of day. Never the less, he has seen Jesus in action. He would not do this for anyone else and says, "because it is you we will go."

Have you ever see the movie, Princess Bride? Farm boy, Wesley is deeply in love with Buttercup. However, he never says I love you, he instead he says ‘as you wish’.

Peter would learn that this was the key to life.

Then look what happens next. Peter goes out into the deep waters and drops the net out of courtesy for his new fishing buddy. He starts to pull up the net and all of a sudden his muscles start flexing, his eyes start bulging, and a smile begins to flash across his face. The nets begin to tear as he yells for his partners. They begin to pull up so may fish that they are spilling out of the nets and the boats are starting to sink. It was then that Peter falls on his knees in a pile of slimy fish and cries out, "Just go away from me, I am a sinful man." In that moment, he sees Jesus for who He really His, in His purity, His wholeness, His power, and goodness. Peter says, "I don’t deserve to be in the same boat with you."

Jesus says in verse 11. "Don’t be afraid. From now on you will fish for people." So they, meaning James, John, and Simon pulled their boats on the shore. They left everything and they followed him.

Jesus said, I choose YOU! I want you guys to help me rescue people. They left everything including their record catch and they turned to their dad and said ‘All yours Zebedee, gotta go, can you believe it, Jesus wants US!'

Jesus choses the ordinary guys running the family business with their dad. Can you imagine how it made them feel? Jesus saw potential in people like nobody else and He used them to rock the world.

I want to see people through the eyes of Jesus, don’t you? And I never want to forget the impact of being chosen.

Can you imagine how those guys felt? When Jesus said, I want YOU! There is just this unexplainable feeling that comes over you, when someone wants you. Doesn’t it make you feel awesome? Have you ever been picked last for a team, not chosen at all, or sat by yourself in a large group of people.

It is a great feeling to feel wanted. When someone says, I want You. I love YOU. You may be feeling rejected, unwanted, not worthy, but God wants to pick YOU and use your life. God thinks highly of you.

Eph. 1:4 – 6 "Long before He laid down the earths' foundations. He had US in mind and had settled on US as the focus of His love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt US into his family through Jesus Christ and what a pleasure he took in planning this."

Jesus was a dream releaser. That is why people flocked to hear him. He takes the down and out and makes them into the up and coming. He gave them dreams of a better life, not necessarily an easier one but a better one AND a better place.

Jesus recruited people like Peter, James, and John and on the same team, he put Matthew who was an IRS agent for the Roman government trying to collect taxes on these guys. Guys that nobody else wanted.

I want to be a dream releaser, don’t you? I want to help people see their potential. I want to help people see more accurately who they are in the eyes of God. I want to help them paint a picture of what they actually could be in their life.

There is power in a dream. When someone releases a dream in you, you know that somebody in this world needs your unique contribution, your unique giftedness, your personality, your talents, and your experiences.

Jesus put together this rag tag band of unique people with glaring weaknesses and He simply astonished them with their strengths.

Peter never knew he could preach like that.
John never dreamed he could love like that.
James never knew he could lead like that.

About three years later in the book of Acts, which details the history of the early church, Peter, John, and James are the stars of this book. They were brought before the council for preaching about Jesus.

Acts 13 says, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men; they were astonished and they just took note that these men had been with Jesus. "

God wants the same thing for YOU

Jesus invested in these guys for three years. He poured His life into them and later He would pour His Holy Spirit into them.

Who has made a big investment in your life? Who can you think of that has just poured their life into you and really made a difference; may be your mom, dad, coach, teacher, friend, brother, or sister?

Who has invested their life in you because they believed in YOU? Who is investing their life into you now and whose life are you investing into now? It is all leaders and followers.

SI Milican tells a story of a young woman who wanted to go to a particular college. Her heart sank when she read the question on the application form that asked ‘Are you a leader?’ She was honest and she wrote, NO, and she returned the application expecting the worse. Much to her surprise, this was the response she got from the college.

Dear Applicant.

A study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1452 new leaders. We are accepting YOU because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follower.

Great followers make great leaders. And those great leaders invest in great followers, who become great leaders, and on and on and on.

When you dare to invest your life in people, it is a risky business. Remember these guys were not A-team that Jesus chose. These were ruff edge, raw, potential guys that many times frustrated Him. Not because they were so incapable, but because He could see their immense potential. They had a hard time realizing what they were capable of .

I am sure many times Jesus may have thought; if they would just stop arguing about who’s on first and lose their pride and egos. If they would learn to serve each other, they would learn that it is really more fun to give than to receive. If they only stopped worrying about material possession. If they would only walk in faith, totally dependent on God for every single need in their life, they would become amazing people. Yet, He never stopped believing in them.

Was Jesus ever hurt by these guys? Absolutely!

He was seconded guessed, ridiculed, doubted, denied, and betrayed. I am sure there were times he felt disappointed, frustrated, fed up, and under appreciated.

May be you can relate. You spend you whole life investing your time and energy into people, only to get disappointed.

Investing in people is always risky. Peter reached for his potential and found it. Judas reached for a rope and hung himself. Jesus took a risk in choosing falliable people with a free will. Why? Because the risk was worth it.

Who are you raising up today? Who are you sharing your faith story with? Who are you breathing belief and love into today?

You just never know the impact it could have on someone. Never, never stop believing in someone and always allow them enough time to show you their good side.

Blessings.

Jill

Faith is Just a Few Steps at a Time

I grew up loving track and field and had the privilege of being able to compete at the high school and collegiate level. One of the things I enjoyed was late afternoon runs. Still through out my adult life, when 4:00 rolls around I get a bit of a twinge that it is time head out.

As the years have pasted the 4:00 hour has been filled with homework, getting supper, phone calls, work, and driving the girls to their activities. I have to laugh because I remember my mom saying, "When you have kids pulling on your apron strings......" Being young and nieve, I remember thinking, "Right, I will always make it a priority."

To have the wisdom of those who have gone before you!

Occasionally though, I still get the chance and I was able to do so this week. With the recent time change, leaving at 4:30 it was quickly getting dark and there was a heavy, dense flog setting in. I chose to run a trial that I frequent, so I would know the terrain and with my Ipod tuned onto my favorite play list I was off.

It was cool and the heavy fog, made for a damp mist. As I neared the 2 mile mark and was ready to head back, it was becoming darker and even more foggy. Most of the time, I was only able to see just a few feet in front of me. It amazes me that I always run better when I can't see too far ahead. I believe that it is because I can focus on one step at a time and not get defeated looking to see how much more I have left to go.

As I was running, I began thinking that faith is really only being able to see just a few steps ahead.

Hebrews 11:1 gives the definition of faith as being sure of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we DO NOT SEE!

Sometimes when I set out for a run it seems overwhelming. I am tired. I just don't feel like doing it. I just don't have the time.

I know that it is best for my physical and mental health. I know that I will feel great when it's over. However going through the process is sometimes painful. At times I question if I can make it another mile. That is when I focus on just taking one step and then another and before I know it I have made it to the end of the trail.

In my entry way hanging on the wall are the words; HOPE and FAITH. It reminds me of being sure of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN (faith) of what we DO NOT SEE!

Our walk with Christ is just the same.

How many times do we ask ourselves how will I ever make it through? How will the bills get paid this month? How will I ever know the right things to say in a difficult situation? How will I get through the loss of a significant relationship in my life? How will I___________? You fill in the blank.

When we focus on managing the BIG stuff in life. When we think we can do it all ourselves. When we try to run the show. We fail miserably over and over again. God is there to handle the BIG and the little stuff. It is our responsibility to TRUST and just keep taking one step at a time. We can't always see the end of the trail, but what we can see is a few feet ahead. When we take those steps, He helps us see a little bit farther. Our job is to be obedient and diligent in our walk. To show up everyday when we don't feel like it and when our designated hour gets filled with all of life's stuff, we carve out another time to grow in our relationship.

So the next time you get tired and just want to throw up your hands. Remember the trail and the dense fog and remember that it is OK. You just have to keep taking one more step and then another and each time you will be able to see a little bit farther.

As I finished up my run that foggy, cool night my play list was finishing up with Lincoln Brewster's, 'Everlasting God'. As my stride fell to the beat of the music and the dampness of the fog was moist on my face, I smiled knowing I was almost done.

I knew that my Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even muse will become weak and tired and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who TRUST in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Jill