One Stitch At A Time

It has been an emotionally charged last few weeks. I have so much to share, but so little time or energy to do so. The days and weeks have consisted of house hunting, Realtor meetings, tears, serious conversations, frustration, all coupled with a magnitude of mental and emotional strain.

A few Sundays back trying to get ready for church proved to be a disaster. The tears would not stop flowing, making for a make-up disaster. Instead of church in a building I needed a place where nature and God met as one. I came down stairs and announced I was LEAVING! Shock and awe was apparent in those that witness my desperation, followed with the reaction 'are you coming back?' I fled to the peaceful surroundings of Palisades Park. The flowing water, hiking trails, and comfort of nature was what I needed to settle my struggling heart. Moving, downsizing, changing schools, new locations was just to much for my mind and heart to process. I needed time to think and pray. I laid staring at the beautiful blue sky. With desperation I proclaimed, 'I turn it all over to You. Give my heart and head the peace knowing that EVERYTHING will work out.'

Having already implemented many things to adjust to Milo losing his job, the last few weeks have brought even more of the realization of the finality of things to come. The HUGE step of faith moving to 100% commission status in our household. My analytical ways and years of managing the finances kicks in flipping on the panic mode switch and I wonder how will things all work out. Unfortunately many of the decisions we have made over the years not only have stemmed of my growing business, but also Milo's 'corporate income'.

Some days I yearn for the simplicity of a 500 square foot cabin in the woods where I have a garden, trails to walk, flowers to tend. The only major decision of the day being what to make my family for supper. There is no streams of media subconsciously training my thoughts to desire this and that. My BIG trip of the week is to the local food store to gather only what I need for the next week. I enjoy the quiet of nature while Riley is allowed to roam however far and wide she desires. We gather every night around the table to play games and share our adventures of the day. Do you think Carolyn Ingalls really had it that good?

Then reality sets in with dance recitals, friends, track meets, graduations, confirmations, weddings, college, mortgage payments, utilities, car repairs, and the list continues. O! did I mention dishwasher repairs! One night while enjoying a rainy evening on the couch, the water coming down seemed to get louder and louder, minute by minute! I discovered my dishwasher flooding my kitchen, pouring through the floor boards, into the basement ceiling, and onto the pool table. After every towel in the house was soaked and the appropriate water valve was located to turn off the water flow, I googled searched to diagnosis the problem as a defect 'water inlet valve'. 4 days later, the repairman was quite impressed with my savvy diagnosis. $107 later the saying, 'when it rains, it pours' is most definitely true.

So last weekend to 'escape' the world and celebrate our 19 year anniversary, my husband stole me away to my heaven on earth for a few days just him and I! I didn't realize just how bad we needed to get reacquainted. The every day 'stress' of life was pulling us farther and farther away as day in and day out we independently went about our way, each drowning from the emotional drain eating away inside.

And it WAS heaven on earth! 2 nights and 3 days of nothing but nature, long walks, warm fires, and waking to the birds chirping outside our window was exactly what we needed to reconnect and recommit to tackling the battle of life TOGETHER, a strand of 3 cords NOT easily broken, reaffirmed in cabin #3.

So the last few weeks have been a time to regroup and rethink. My summer project that has been filling my free time (instead of blogging) is a 12X16 complicated cross-stitch project of my friend, Jesus and His sheep. I have not cross stitched since BK (before kids). I forgot how peaceful and relaxing it can be. With each stitch I am comforted as I work on His hands, His robe, His face, and His feet. A calmness over takes me and the realization that life is simply one stitch at a time. God's plan is always PERFECT. No matter how much water runs through the cracks in the floor, a quick google search, a quick prayer, and a stitch at a time will bring the peace that passes all understanding. This thing we call LIFE is messy, complicated, and draining. But life is ONLY a journey to a place far better. A place with no paychecks, dishwashers, negativity and uncertainty.

A place with flowing water, flowering trees, warm fires, and singing birds. A place where the shepherd says, 'You were lost, but now you are found.'

So in the mean time I will continue to stitch and pray, stitch and pray. And when my project is complete, I will adorn it in a special place in my home as a reminder of a time in life when the ONLY thing left to do, was to take life one stitch at a time.

Jill