Safe

As I am just wrapping up the last few things of the weekend, paying bills, packing my lunch, and folding my last load of laundry; I remembered this week finding this incredible video on You Tube. The video is of the song writer and singer, Phil Wickham sharing the inspiration behind his latest song, Safe. This song also currently is in my top 5 favorites joining the ranks of Everlasting God, Jesus Messiah, Not To Us, and ok...Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling". Great workout song!

Enjoy and happy start to the week. Afterall it, does really start on Sunday night, doesn't it?

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

A Red Tent Day

Reader discretion is advised.

It was an eventful week to say the least. Scored my first two sales at work for a $22,000 week! My confidence is building. Next week I am on tap to handle all of the walk in business including taking all phone calls that come to the family service department. Should be a week full of education, answering questions, and hopefully some more sales!

So despite a moderately successful week, Wednesday appointments got rescheduled to Thursday do to icy roads and then all six appointments got rescheduled on Thursday due to a milestone event at our house.

Thursday started like any other day, Milo and I were up and at em, both leaving for work around 7:30. The girls had a 2 hour delay due ice and so they got to enjoy a few extra hours of zzzs. After my 8:00 meeting I was ready to hit the road for the day with 3 appointments in the morning and 3 in the afternoon. I was locked and loaded and just getting ready pull out of the parking lot, when SURPRISE, a special visitor I like to call, 'Aunt Flow' dropped in for a visit. I mumbled under my breathe as now I had to unbuckle, search for supplies, and find the nearest bathroom.

Finally with Aunt Flow pacified for at least the next few hours, I was off. With a quick check of my phone for any missed calls, I find 6 in the order of Madison, Kennedy, Milo, Madison, Kennedy, Milo. Obviously something was up!

I immediately called up Mr. Milo to see what was happening. Chuckling he shared that after trying to reach Madison twice to make sure her 10:15 ride to school was secured, his phone calls were met with uncontrollable crying. To the point of not being able to understand a word she was saying. Madison refused to tell him what was wrong and finally with much discernment he calmly and compassionately said, 'Madison did you get your period?'

The immediate reply was 'YES! And I am not talking to you about it!' CLICK! This one was obviously going to be deferred to mom.

I then called Kennedy, who at this point was on the bus. Her rendition? , 'Madison is freaking out. I did my best to calm her down, including giving her a pad, which she refused to wear and reassured her that this WAS normal.'

And of course, in the midst of the madness our 24 year old nephew, Eric shows up inquiring into the cause of all the crying and yelling only to get the bathroom door slammed in his face.

At that point, I'm rescheduling my 10:00 while driving home. I arrive to find Madison in the darkest corner of the house in a ball, crying, and holding Kennedy's list of instructions.

1. Change pad every 3 hours
2. If your stomach hurts take an Advil
3. If your stomach still hurts then try a hot bath or shower.
4. If stomach still hurts after the above 2, lay on a heating pad.
5. Good luck, sweetie, call me if you need anything.

Sister taking care of sisters.

So with an assessment of the situation it was apparent that all appointments for the day needed to be rescheduled, a lunch date was is order, accompanied with much emotional and mental support.

We hugged and cried, both of us feeling the pangs of mother nature, one seasoned and the other only beginning. We shared the momentous moment with all of the special women in our lives, aunts, sisters, and grandmothers, each one sharing how HER momentous day unfolded.

Madison was reassured that she just been accepted into the 'club'. A club where the membership doesn't last forever. A club we often times begrudge belonging to. However a club that marks us as women.

We celebrated when Kennedy got home from school with a trip to Dairy Queen for none else than ice cream and chocolate. After all, what else is a girl to do. The day was a celebration of womanhood, a day none other than.....

A Red Tent Day.

Jill

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

So I made it through my second week of working indepently at work. All last week I was responsible for interment orders, meaning any families who came in to make arrangements for a loved one they just lost, I met with to review their cemetery property. Internment orders mean checking on the property owned, double and triple checking the particular area and what rules and regulations apply to that section. I will admit, it was stressful working independently. No one situation is the same and there seems to be some type of twist on every situation, whether it is working with a multitude of family dynamics or a complicated garden in the cemetery. So I am proud to say that I successfully navigated my way through the entire week, all locations secured and accounted for.

So this week, I get to enjoy flexibility in my schedule as I am responsible for outside sales. I am able to design my days and do not have to be 'in house' 8 - 5. I am hoping to write my first sale on Tuesday and possibly a few more before the week concludes. I am DETERMINED to get on the scoreboard this week, as all three of my fellow sales associates have numbers up for 2010. My competitive nature engages and I love a challenge. I have been consistently making phone calls and working at generating new leads. Working the sales process consistently will eventually ALWAYS produce results. I have to remember that I am starting from zero, while the rest have 10+ years of a lead data base established.

I still can't seem to grasp how I ended up in this situation. One of my new goals was to get reconnected in a women's bible study. Monday night I joined a new group and we are studying a book called, 'The New Eve'. Monday night was the opportunity to meet all of the other members. I admit, getting reconnected with a group of women only reignited my passion for assisting and working with women.

I couldn't stop the tears that flowed during that night, as I looked around the room. I realized the passion and purpose I had so clearly identified, put into place, and planned to pursue had only been suppressed by a change in situation and the daily needs of life.

Racing thoughts of 'Did I act too fast to 'fix things?' 'Did I really stop and pray about what direction I should take?' 'Did I jump into working off of my own will rather than live a life on faith?' As all those thoughts came flooding back to me, I couldn't help but feel sad and regretful.

So it came time to introduce myself. Instead of the typical name, work, and kids. The question was 'Tell us where you are at in your life at this moment.' I was all poised and ready to share my well thought our answer. But before any of that came out, a flood of tears erupted and I shared that I was frustrated. That I have been very angry at God. I had stopped attending church. I couldn't believe that a passion and purpose that I had so patiently and prayerfully considered, a desire that I had felt so God led, so marked and stamped with a knowing beyond all doubt that it was exactly what I was suppose to be doing was gone in a blink. A passion that was replaced with the an immediate need to find health insurance, buy groceries, and create over night income. I shared that I felt like I was making decisions based on a husband that had no motivation or desire to do anything other than spend his days playing video games and watching TV. I was mad and disappointed. The woman next to me, rubbed my back and another said quietly, 'I have been angry at God too.'

Then as if God was speaking to me through those caring new friends, new thoughts begin to form and a thin ray of hope glimmered in the distance.

Before God can do great things with us, He must first strip us of everything, bare our soul, and make us realize that we really can't do anything without Him. Moses spent 40 years in the desert. Joshua was sold slavery, where he served for years before becoming a great king.

Could it be that may be for once instead of leading those women I so desire to have an impact on, it is time for me to be led? May be it is time for me to receive, refuel, and learn. May be instead of listening to the vulnerability, it is my time to be vulnerable?

So the last question of the night was 'Where are you going?' With trepidation and an ounce of confidence I shared, 'Recommitting to a relationship with my Savior. To take the past as the past and reflect on lessons gained. To look to the future again with hope and faith, knowing that I am where I am for a reason and a season. To look at my situation and see all of the people I would have never met and influenced had it not been for this opportunity. If I truly have to admit, I can already see potential to share and serve as an example. May be I was living in a bubble, not really being exposed to all that was out there? May be God thought, she has spent years growing in our relationship, learning and studying scripture, now it is time for her to use her gifts in an environment that needs transformation and love.

We closed that night with Psalm 139. A scripture that sang in my ears and filled my heart with hope.

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

until next time....

M&M

When Kennedy started school, I was working a few days a week while Madison attended day care. However every Wednesday were M&M days. aka...Mom and Maddie. We would attend Bible Study in the morning, hit Pizza Hut for lunch, and then spend the rest of the afternoon at our leisure. It is something she reminds me of to this day.

So with Milo and Kennedy gone for the weekend to a church conference in WI Dells, what better thing to do then have a M&M weekend.

So the weekend started at 3:15 on Friday when I picked her up from school. I had a FRESH ice cold cherry ICY waiting and a pack of M&Ms on the seat. The mission was to get all weekend 'chores' done in record time, so that the entire weekend could be spent at our 'leisure'.

So while Madison was at dance for a few hours Friday afternoon, I dawned my headphones and away I went! Within 2 hours, most weekend chores were completed. I picked Madison up for dance, only to have her fall smack on her bum before getting into the van. We wrapped up our last few chores and decided it would be appropriate to go to Pizza Hut for supper. We toasted the weekend with our Cokes and enjoyed personal pans and bread sticks. After a run to the grocery store to stock up for the next week, we snuggled in for the night playing computer games while lying in bed with bowls of mint chip ice cream, smothered in hot fudge sauce. Does life get any better?

Saturday morning we slept in, played some more puzzle games before heading out for a few hours of 'retail therapy'. It was a fun shopping trip getting things like our favorite scents at Bath & Body Works, some new candles for the house, cute napkins, craft projects, and the highlight....skinny jeans, for Madison of course. A quick stop for coffee and hot chocolate before grabbing a few movies and cozying in for the rest of the day.

Movies, crafting, and leftovers for supper before we retired early at 8:00.

Sunday morning we did all of our meal preparations for the week, split ham and pea soup, Swedish meatballs, roast, potatoes, and carrots, chicken/rice casserole, goulash, chocolate chip bars, and blueberry muffins. No more thinking for the rest of the week!

Sunday afternoon we hit the health club for 'family swim'. Had to work off some of that hot fudge sauce. We swam for almost an hour, Madison trying to teach me the fly. After showering and jumping back into our PJs, the rest of the day we did some more crafting and movies until Milo and Kennedy pulled in around 4:00. Madison looked at me and said, 'I guess all good things must come to an end. Do you think we could get rid of Milo and Kennedy once a month?'

So we enjoyed soup and sandwiches for supper and the opportunity to hear all about the conference. And so all good things must come to an end. Back to work and school tomorrow.

Last week brought some more changes to our house with Milo starting his new job. Some more role adjusting and who is doing what. All in all a good week. My first week off of training at work. It brought some good relationship building appointments and my FIRST selling appointment scheduled for this week. It feels good to finally be off of training and on my own. Tomorrow night I join a new women's group to study Beth Moore's, New Eve.

Trying to stay warm in all this crazy cold weather. But without the cold, we can't appreciate the warmth come spring.

toodles.

The Great Commission

The cross is a replica of a cross that Madison made us and it hangs on our bedroom wall with family pictures surrounding it.
One of Milo's spiritual gifts is evangelism, hence the Great Commission.

'Therefore go and make disciples of men, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19

Pretty cool..huh??

Sweater Slipper Mania!

Can you guess who is who?

A Year in Review

January 2009

We started the year with a frigid cold spell. We began a year long journey of struggling to find new identity in new roles at home and work. We ended the month with an unlifting concert by Chris Tomlin Concert and said good-bye to a dear friend, Ms. Annie. I made my first Creamy Vanilla Raspberry Povlava.


Milo is REALLY struggling! I believe we have hit the 'depression' mode of the grief process. That is if Milo could be depressed, a mild version. I find him playing Wii most days after he rolls out of bed by 9:00 and really no motivation for much else, other than a workout. I quote, 'I just can't get my head screwed on straight.'

WOW little did I know that would continue for the next 340 days.

February 2009

The Mo and Gary come for a visit. Milo and Jill enjoy a get away to Cabo San Lucas. A heavy round of the flu takes all but one down in our house. I start a new journey at a place called Cedar Memorial. A place with a really cool flower shop.


Wednesday was our last walk on the beach and our conversation turned to love. Love is something that is hard for me to express and often times to give. We stopped for a moment and as tears filled my eyes, I simply thanked him for teaching me over the last 19 years that it is OK to give and to receive unconditional love. Love that is not tied to something I do or say. Because of him I am learning to do that better and better everyday. It was an amazing trip and ended on Valentines Day!

March 2009

My grandma goes home to her heavenly kingdom. We take in a baby called Fiameta. Madison gets a new du, refines her baking skills, and becomes a certified super sitter. Family chores are implemented.

Sin is the steadfast refusal to be your true self. As I mentioned earlier, the sins of our fore fathers would be passed down from generation to generation. Today I can confidently share that the cycle has been broken and it will only continue to improve with a continued balance of grace and truth. When we help each other get rid of the grave clothes that hold us back, there will be no end to the work we can do for God's kingdom in order to live a life of love and truth to it's richest capacity.

Here is to a FRESH start!

April 2009

I try my first cycling class. Milo almost pees on the kitchen floor. Kennedy starts track and we enjoy a day at the Drake Relays. My computer crashes and I lose everything until iYogi saves the day. I quickly realize just how much geese can poop.



And pay attention tomorrow, the next day, and the next, there are people around you who are deeply hurting. Many you don't even realize. Take a moment to sincerely seek and ask about them. Listen intently and don't be quick to offer a suggestion or advice. Just nod, smile, and may be share a tear. Remember EVERYONE has a story, they may just need someone to listen.

May 2009

Madison gets her violin. Milo and I find a new 'heaven' on earth. I realize that life is really only one stitch at a time.

With each stitch I am comforted as I work on His hands, His robe, His face, and His feet. A calmness over takes me and the realization that life is simply one stitch at a time. God's plan is always PERFECT. No matter how much water runs through the cracks in the floor, a quick google search, a quick prayer, and a stitch at a time will bring the peace that passes all understanding. This thing we call LIFE is messy, complicated, and draining. But life is ONLY a journey to a place far better. A place with no paychecks, dishwashers, negativity and uncertainty.

A place with flowing water, flowering trees, warm fires, and singing birds. A place where the shepherd says, 'You were lost, but now you are found.'


So in the mean time I will continue to stitch and pray, stitch and pray. And when my project is complete, I will adorn it in a special place in my home as a reminder of a time in life when the ONLY thing left to do, was to take life one stitch at a time.

June 2009

Macin comes for cousin camp. The girls start swim team and the lazy crazy days of summer set in. Madison wraps up her dance year.

Work Hard

Run Hard, Run Fast

Admit your mistakes

Think outside the box

Coffee is a GOOD thing

Be willing to take a risk

Get up early and get going

Christmas is a wonderful holiday

Always strive to have a clean car

Give people the benefit of the doubt

Family is very important in your life

Poinsettias are beautiful, even in July

It is never to late to mend broken relationships

No matter how old you get, you can always change

Casey's donuts are the BEST donuts in the United States

Windshield time is NOT a bad thing, it gives you time to think

July 2009

Cousin camp brings, cousin Carter to stay for a few days. Our home office and blog get a make-over. Jordan and Olivia wrap up the last round of cousin stays.

While I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. The events of the past 7 months as they continue to unfold continue to bring new insights and lessons to be learned.

August 2009

Jill turns 40 and gets an eventful 26 ride in the car complete with DOG puking, only to be followed up with a new addition to the family, Gracie Mae. I learn the importance of learning to relax again. We have a 5th and an 8th grader.




But then with a little hard work, some elbow grease, and a lot of patience, we realize that the BEST escape we have is right in front of us!

September 2009

Took a blogging break

October 2009

Gracie Mae becomes a french maid, Madison a tin girl, and Kennedy a fairy. Mr. Stonewood reignites a passion. I say yes to working 8 - 5, moving into a full time sales position at Cedar Memorial.



We hope that someday our love will serve as an example of faith, perseverance, and hope instilling that marriage is NOT easy, always fun and romantic. But anything worth living for is ALWAYS worth fighting for.

And according to Mr. Stonewood, he couldn't agree more.

November 2009

Adjustments to a new schedule and a new role at work. We celebrate Mr. Milo's birthday with a surprise party.


Milo is plugging along with the start of his new business. Some days are good and some days not so much. I am praying that by January 1st and a year later, the hard hit of a job loss cloud will be lifted and new passions will be ignited. Time will only continue to direct us on new paths, new passions, and ventures in store.

December 2009

An ultimatum. A break to renew and relax. News plans for a new year. A new job. A goodbye and a celebration. A few Colorado Bulldogs and a snow angel.

I don't think I have ever been more happy to close a chapter on a year than I have been for 2009. Lot of tears shed and lessons learned. Old habits abated and new ones established. In hindsight I am sure that all will become crystal clear. But for right now, while listening to Mr. Milo, Madison, Kennedy, and Eric (my 23 year old nephew) clean up the kitchen, Eric summed it up perfect. "When your life comes down to it, ultimately it is really all about your family and loving the guts out of those closest to you no matter what life throws your way."

Happy New Year!